I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
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If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize