I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
