Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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