Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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