Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
