It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
