WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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