The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
