Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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