my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
