That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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