eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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