Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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