He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
