Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
