I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
