listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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