I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
