and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
