The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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