hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
