I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
