PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize