these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
