Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize