I bet he comes in French.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
