I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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