Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize