i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
