Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
