She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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