Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
