Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just had sex on a roof
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
