Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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