Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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