Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
