Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
