i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
