My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
