Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize