O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
