just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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