last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
