dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
