I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
