So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
