the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
