yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
