Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm like, not good at living.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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