forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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