And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
