I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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