so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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