Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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