Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
