those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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