i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't deserve a penis
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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