I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
