Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Moan for me like Helen Keller
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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