I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
