Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
