At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
