I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
