Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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