eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
