I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
