if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
