Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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