Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Couch. On fire.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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