Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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