he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
