That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
