You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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