So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
